Jennifer Anne Kogler

Hi all. I’ve missed you. I’d ask you if you missed me, but I’m not sure my fragile ego could handle a ‘no’.

Do I look like a professional or what? It’s like I was born holding a pen.

In actuality, I was born holding my twin brother’s hand. Okay, so that’s a total lie. But doesn’t make for an endearing story? Oh, don’t answer that.

Well, thanks to everyone who has come and had me sign a book or two. I hope I didn’t misspell your name.

More to follow,
Jennie

I’m in the front in the pink shirt. Let’s play Find the Dean:

Well,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who came to my very first book signing. I’m just going to assume that everyone who’ll read this blog was at that signing, considering that there were more people there than total hits this website has received. Yes there is a counter. The policeman who was posted at the door of the Barnes & Noble (apparently they got wind that some troublemakers might show up) said he stopped counting heads when he reached one hundred. I’ll refrain from making a comment about that particular policeman’s intelligence. Oops. I think I just did.

And I think I’ve taken away a few important lessons about talks and signings that I’ll share now:

1. Writing “I hate you” in jest when signing somebody’s book, no matter how excellent the owner’s sense of humor is, is never a good idea. Sorry Dad.
2. Neither is spelling the name wrong of someone who knows you well enough to know your social security number by heart. Sorry Mom.
3. My John Hancock is ugly, apparently. I got told that four times. I kept telling them that my name had a great personality, but it didn’t seem to make much difference. I don’t know why anyone wants my darn signature anyway.
4. If you manage to get a couple drunks to your signing, some people will start saying you’re “rock and roll”. For about four minutes, I began thinking I was cool. Then someone called my signature ugly.
5. Classy, elegant, post-signing “receptions” (parties are so over) are best thrown by Hannah Foster and Katy Niner. Email me and I’ll send you their numbers. And yes, boys, they’re single.
6. J.K. Rowling had it right when she abbreviated. I began hating “ennifer” and “nne” by about book 15. She didn’t become the richest woman in England without knowing a thing or two about being an author.

Tomorrow, to artificially up my blog count (yes, yes, I know, I’ve been slaaaacking) I’ll post a picture of the signing, and maybe you can play Where’s Waldo, only instead of searching for Waldo, you search for the back of your head.

And the ironic note of the day — when I spell checked this “blog” the only word that it brought up was “blog”. Which is ironic. Don’t you think? Yes, ironic, and I really do think.

Always split aces and eights,
Jennie

Well,

I had my remodel. I’ve decided that this is what I’m referring to my makeover as — the word “makeover” reminds me of mall kiosks, Oprah, ugliness and the year 2001. I’ve attached a picture of the end result, snapped outside my house after I returned from a long day of scalp massages, new clothes, free meals and a total face renovation (where I learned that bronzer is a pasty girl’s best friend). What do you think?

To tell you the truth, though I was skeptical, the whole thing was fun — my hair is darker than it’s ever been. Sometimes I walk past a mirror now and jump up thinking there’s an intruder in the house (I haven’t gone so far as to get a baseball bat for protection).

Dark brunettes are back in a big way, you heard it here first.

The people at Urban Decay were wonderfully nice and generous. And although that melancholy Beck song, “Lost Cause,” was playing during the hair portion of the makeover, I tried not to take it as some terrible omen of things to come, resisting the urge to run out of the salon in a fit of Remodel Anxiety (yes, it’s a clinical term). Once the official pictures come up on the Urban Decay website, I’ll put up the link (provided the pictures aren’t too horrendous). Perhaps I can finally get rid of that generic pre-installed Google News link that people razz me about.

The book comes out THIS TUESDAY, I’ll be back writing then to let you know if my life changes, though I feel like it’ll be a day like any other, starting, of course, with a nice fresh bowl of oatmeal.

Remember to Spring forward,
Jennie